So, he asked me to move to Peabody with him? What if anything did this mean? Could I move, did I want to move? I had lived in the same house for my entire life. Born there, lived with my parents, moved to the 3rd floor with my first husband, which I am not sure how to clarify that, our marriage was annulled so does that mean I was living in sin? Not sure about that one. Hopefully I wont' have to answer for that at the pearly gates someday. After that I lived alone for a bit and then with a roommate for 6 or 7 years, to say we had a ball would be an understatement, we by far had some of the greatest times! We are still friends to this day!
As he stood in front of me, looking at me for an answer, my mind was racing. "Yes" blurted out of my mouth, I however had one condition, I wanted to make a few cosmetic changes. Like I had said before I had some money saved, so I was happy to contribute to our home. Not exactly sure when we would be moving, we had some time to plan. I had time to calm my nerves. I think this happened in February. Round about May or so we received a call that is ex-wife had found a home and would be moving in August, this would time out perfectly, as we were taking the kids to Disney, in August, which would be my first trip with children. A fact that did seem like a big deal, but it was. So she could move while we were away and that would be less traumatic for the kids. Then we would do what we needed to do and move in a month or so later, perfect!
As time marched on I was preoccupied with the Disney trip and all the plans for the house, I was a little over enthusiastic to say the least, telling Bethany all the changes I was going to make, this upset her and I was asked to dial it back a little. I was sad and so happy all at the same time. I never stopped to think about what this all meant to the kids, I mean the boys seemed fine with everything so did Beth, but silently she was upset. Then I went to the other extreme of not talking about it at all in front of them, I truly have no "happy-medium" I am either balls to wall or I shut down completely! I am so much better at that now, years of therapy! I then tired to included them in the remodel plans, that worked a little better, still being very careful with Bethany.
What helped me, was thinking about how things my parents did, affected me, I tired to apply that at all times dealing with the kids, sometimes it worked sometimes it was epic fail. I tried to pick up on the little things, one time Charlie went to kiss me and the look of horror that came across Bethany's face told me this was not a good idea and they weren't ready to see their Dad kiss another woman, I playful pushed Charlie away and filled him in later. He defaulted to me for advice in this area as he had nothing to go by. I really wanted to do what was right and make the kids as comfortable with me as possible, I wasn't going anywhere, there was no need to rush.
I had even asked Charlie if I could take them to the movies without him, give us a little bonding time. We had allot of fun, even Bethany who was turning out to be my toughest critic, who knew? I guess I did, I knew what it felt like, on some level I was still 8 yrs old when it came to my Dad, I wanted his attention, to walk and hold his hand to be "daddy's little girl" always, still to this day. I tired to think before I did things, I tired to act how I wish things were with me. I even planed special things for just me and Bethany, I took her to get her nails done and shopping, although at that time she wasn't your typical "girly-girl" she still seemed to enjoy it and now it is one of my favorite things we still do together!
Just an example in April of 1999, Bethany had told me she wanted me to take her to school one day so that I could see her school, I loved this!!! I only worked 4 days a week, so on my day off I got up early drove to Charlie's Ex's house to find Bethany crying, she wanted her Mom to take her and felt bad I came over, I think she felt torn...so his Ex and I both took her to school and she bounced away happy. I realized that day, that whatever was going to be best for the kids I would do, well within reason. I even ended up being able to take Bethany to get her ears pierced, it was just the little things, I wanted to show her she was important, I wanted all of them to know. Being a girl I knew it was going to the hardest for her. I guess that is why I feel my situation growing up was going to help me and my relationship with them, fate.
I didn't have much to pack, but I had never moved before, I don't think 1st floor to 3rd floor counts. I was trying to be supper organized , getting rid of a ton of things, Charlie was impressed and very happy I was excited about the move. The hardest part was telling my Mom, as happy as she was for me, her and I had always been together, we even worked at the same hospital. We have had some great times, I was always right there for her and her for me. This was going to be an adjustment for both if us. My apartment had always been my safety net, it was my home, others could come and go, piss me off and I could ask them to leave... men, friends it didn't matter I always felt secure. My mother, took great pride in pointing this out to me, great pride. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing mother, who has given me everything I have ever wanted or need and unconditional love. But nothing would have made her happier than me staying with her forever!
Things slowed down with the move and geared up for Disney, everyone was excited about that.... packing for 5 people, for 7 days was proving to be a bit of a challenge, but I was up for it and having fun. I suppose I should explain that when I went to Disney when I was 7, my mother and I wore matching outfits, yes matching outfits and my Dad was color coordinated with our outfits. Yes, I was trying to do this for our trip! I know, I know crazy!
We took hand held games for the kids to play in lines so they wouldn't get bored, Charlie had done lots of research and our trip was mapped out, we were ready. I had a feeling that Beth and I would only want to sit with Charlie just as we had at Canobie Lake last summer, so I was going to try really hard not to be a brat! We stayed at a condo in Disney's Old Key West, I had a friend who's parents had a time-share and we got a great deal. Yes, I had done my best to have us all in kind of matching outfits, I laid out the kids cloths everyday... by Tuesday, I had lost control and the kids dressed themselves and I literally had a mini-melt down, I looked at Charlie and said "those aren't the outfits I put out" his reply was "who cares" I pouted. He had to "speak" to me, I explained how things were down when I was a kid and that I had never been on vacation with kids before and I was trying to keep order, he laughed and said "wow, I never even gave that a thought, you are such a natural with them" He explained to me that vacation needed to be fun and Disney was stressful enough without the added pressure of clothing matching, we all laugh about it now, but back then I was a freak!
Our trip was going great, we were having a ball but, when holding hands with Charlie, Beth would ask to be carried, yes she always wanted to sit with Charlie, once in a while me. This time I understood more and hung back a bit and watched them together, almost making me cry, happy tears I loved them all and I loved who he was as a father.
Charlie did something so wonderful for me, he booked a dinner at Cinderella's Castle! I was beyond thrilled, I mean being a princess myself, it was perfect. Little back story, also growing up my mother read to me every night the only story I wanted to hear was Cinderella, I wanted to be Cinderella, technically I was every year for Halloween until I was oh 30! My room was all decorated like Cinderella's castle, I had it all , everything baby blue and silver and I had a canopy bed, I also had silver slippers and a tiara I wore everywhere! I loved it. This dinner was so special to me however, the events that unfolded no one was ready for.
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