I was so happy, happier than I had ever been. I loved this man, he made me laugh, he accepted me for who I was, I meant enough to him for him to introduce me into the lives of his children. We were having a great summer, sleepovers, movies, Saturday's at our friends pool it was great. I felt part of something, a family they all made it so easy.
One day we made plans to go to the beach, I was going to meet them all as my Mom needed a ride later in the day so I was going to leave early. We went to Nahant with kites, buckets, shovels, balls, umbrellas, sunscreen and we even packed drinks and a lunch, this was odd to me who needed this much stuff? For me it was towel, chair, lotion, book, radio..... ah the simple things. Well, Charlie told me when you go to the beach with kids you need to bring things to entertain them. Um? Okay, this is the day I learned Charlie prepares for everything! He makes list, double checks them gets as much as he can ready the night before. sidenote: nowadays, I make a list and I love how prepared he is.
In my mind, I am laughing and thinking he is crazy, then again I have NEVER been to the beach with kids before, maybe once, maybe. We were ready and off to the beach we went. I think it took a 1/2hr or so to get everything to our spot and settled. I positioned my chair perfectly to the sun and I sat down, lotion on, bring on the tan. seconds, later voices yell "come to the water" "lets fly kites" "can we look for shells?" I am thinking what is this? The beach is for relaxing.... seeing the panic on my face Charlie takes my hand and says "this is what a day at the beach is like with kids, glad you came?" I smiles, I was! We had a great day of playing in waves laughing talking, teasing it was fun. I didn't care that I didn't get to sit in the sun, I liked playing games and digging a big hole and covering the kids in sand...then it was my turn...boy, did I have sand everywhere, but I was happy.
It came time for me to leave, I had to go get my Mom, the kids were sad I had to go. I packed up the few things I had laughing that my simple days at the beach might just be behind me for a while. Walking back to my car, not sure what made me stop and look back I was pretty far, but I could see Charlie and the boys and they seemed frantic..... I looked in front of me on the beach by a life guard station and there she was in her little pink and yellow bathing suit, crying trying to get the life guards attention. I dropped everything and began to run to her, calling her name "Bethany" she looked and she began to run to me, she lept into my arms crying and holding on for dear life. I was walking back towards Charlie calling out to him he finally saw me and came running with the boys. Beth then lept from me to him. She had been chasing seagulls and lost her way. He was relived I had seen her, so was I. Walking back to where I dropped everything which luckily enough a little old couple walking along had seen me, and Beth and they stayed with my things until I came back, I was very grateful.
Looking back again I see them all Beth holding her Dads hand and the boys running in a circle around them. I smile and feel such a sense of contentment. I had something pretty special here. I picked up my Mom, late and filled her in on the days events.... she says "your gonna make a good stepmom". Stop it I say, I am not ready for that, we have only been dating a year. He's not divorced yet, I don't want to get married again, do I? Amazing how our parents can say the simplest thing to us and it sends our minds in a gazillion directions, or maybe that is just my Mom.
Later that night I find out this isn't the first run in with seagulls Beth has had, poor thing. She gave me a big hug the next time she saw me, and told me all about how she was lost and then she heard me calling her, I loved that it was me that found her, I loved her.
The summer went on with lots of fun and beach days and I found myself looking forward to every moment. I was scared as hell as well. What if this didn't work. Gosh I would loose them all. This was different than any relationship I had been in. Was my mother right? Would I be a good stepmother? What did that mean? What did a stepmom do? I mean I had one, but they lived in California and my parents didn't get along so me spending time with them was never an option. Did Charlie want to get married again, Christ he wasn't divorced yet, we hadn't even talked like that. We didn't even say "I love you", well I did...epic fail never to be said again! Well, he was gonna say it first, this time! I didn't want to get remarried, or did I? Yup, one little conversation with my Mom and I had gone off the deep end!
I needed some time with Andrea, my best friend, she would help always does. Even to this day she keeps me sane. We went out and talked and I felt better although she agreed I was putting my heart out there for a potential crush.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Moving right along~
So, with the first meeting under my belt, feeling pretty confident and secure in our relationship. We were now able to spend more and more time together and Charlie began including me in plans with the kids, very casually. If they made plans to go to the beach, or a movie Charlie would suggest " hey lets call Lisa. see if she wants to come" of course I was ready and able to go, we thought we were out smarting them but years later we found out they had us figured out! He had the kids almost every weekend so it was great that I could now be included. It could only add to what we were building.
Not only was a falling more in love with Charlie, but now the 3 kids had captured my heart in a way I never thought possible. They were like a breathe of fresh air, always happy always full of stories and energy, I loved being around all of them. I admired Charlie so much for his dedication to his children, no matter what they always came first! This was okay with me, I think it made me love him even more. My parents got divorced when I was 8. My Mom made it difficult for my Dad to see me and he gave up, I missed him, he missed out on so much in my life. She blamed him, he blamed her, in the end I suffered because of it. We have all talked through it....my Dad and I are closer now, at times when I am with him I feel like I am 8yrs old all over again and I want him all to myself! I am also lucky to have a stepmother and a sister that I adore. I wish we all had more time together, but we make the best with what we do have. Facebook has been great for really keeping in touch. With my family history I guess that worked to Charlie's benefit..it is what I wished I had with my Dad. I was never going to "whine" about him spending time with the kids, not that Charlie would have ever dated anyone that was like that. Sometimes as corny as it seems, I think t was fate that brought us all together.
I was having a ball getting to know the kids. It was adding so much to my life. Maybe this was my plan, maybe I was meant to be with Charlie and his kids. We did all sorts of thing together, the relationships were easy. Bethany was a little tough to get close to she was like me wanted her Daddy all to herself, I got that on a rational level, but my heart somethimes acted like I was 8! I needed to get my emotions under control, I was being silly.
This is a picture from Canobie Lake ~ It became clear to me on that day at Canobie Lake Park, that Bethany was going to be a challenge. We were all having a great time! One of Charlie's friends and his niece and nephew came with us and because I liked all the rides I was a big hit! I was trying to spend most of my time with Bethany, look at her, she is so cute! Ever time we got in line for a ride she would ask to sit with her Daddy, I would give in and move back. This did not make me happy, I tired a different approach I would ask to sit with her. She would say"yes" but as we got closer she would change her mind. Dan would offer to sit with me, Tom wasn't a big fan of rides back then. He liked the games. Either way I never got to sit with Charlie, can you hear the pouty child in my voice. It was a long day and near the end the kids were running ahead of us and Charlie and I strolled along holding hands. Bethany stopped and looking back turned around and said "Daddy I am tired can you carry me" He did.. I pouted again she looked back at me and stuck out her tongue....what? Oh this little one was good. I wanted to talk to Charlie but how was it going to sound.."your daughter stuck her tongue out at me", he would talk to her and she would resent me. I need to be the grown up I was supposed to be! I igonored it. Little girls loved me, she would as well...maybe not today, but she would. I would make sure of it, Charlie was worth it and quite frankly so was she! I tired to put myself in her shoes, it was pretty easy... I was her 23yrs ago... I am sure I did some of the same things to my stepmother! Overall feeling great about how the day went Charlie asked the kids if they wanted to stay at my apartment that night, I was very very nervous about this. Charlie and I had talked about it, we had talked about him moving back in eventually and getting the kids used to the idea. I was worried about what they would think, him sleeping in my room...I didn't want to upset them, thinking of how it made me feel back then I probably over thought the whole thing. They all wanted to. We had a great night watching movies, we got pizza and when it came time for bed theY settled on the sofa and in sleeping bags and we just went to my room, no one said anything... yup, I worried too much. A few years ago Danny and I talked about that first sleep over and I asked him what he tought and he very logically said, "where else was he gonna sleep, we had the sofa that was the only bed" simple no explanation. All that worring I did for nothing.
Not only was a falling more in love with Charlie, but now the 3 kids had captured my heart in a way I never thought possible. They were like a breathe of fresh air, always happy always full of stories and energy, I loved being around all of them. I admired Charlie so much for his dedication to his children, no matter what they always came first! This was okay with me, I think it made me love him even more. My parents got divorced when I was 8. My Mom made it difficult for my Dad to see me and he gave up, I missed him, he missed out on so much in my life. She blamed him, he blamed her, in the end I suffered because of it. We have all talked through it....my Dad and I are closer now, at times when I am with him I feel like I am 8yrs old all over again and I want him all to myself! I am also lucky to have a stepmother and a sister that I adore. I wish we all had more time together, but we make the best with what we do have. Facebook has been great for really keeping in touch. With my family history I guess that worked to Charlie's benefit..it is what I wished I had with my Dad. I was never going to "whine" about him spending time with the kids, not that Charlie would have ever dated anyone that was like that. Sometimes as corny as it seems, I think t was fate that brought us all together.
I was having a ball getting to know the kids. It was adding so much to my life. Maybe this was my plan, maybe I was meant to be with Charlie and his kids. We did all sorts of thing together, the relationships were easy. Bethany was a little tough to get close to she was like me wanted her Daddy all to herself, I got that on a rational level, but my heart somethimes acted like I was 8! I needed to get my emotions under control, I was being silly.
Friday, August 12, 2011
It's the little things~
Something a little different today. Today I must say was a great day! My week has been crazy, work, visiting Mom and I had family over and a Patriots preseason game to go to. I was looking forward to the week also thinking how I was going to get everything else I needed to do done. On Monday rushing from work to see my Mom and in my head thinking about what I was going to make for dinner, I stopped to take a deep breathe and regroup before I walked into her room. Our visit started off the usual way, "how was your day Mom?" She says "ok" she asks me if work was busy. We make small talk, mostly becasue we talk 3 or 4 times during the day. She calls every morning at about 7:15am just to tell me she loves me, I look forward to that call everyday.
I can tell something is different today she seems sad. Do I dare ask? She has a hard time speaking these days and when I have to ask her to repeat herself I can see the frustration or her face. I worry about the day she won't be able to speak anymore and really pray it never comes. I can't leave knowing something might be wrong so I move in close, tell her to speak slow and I ask what's wrong? I am not prepared for what she said next. She said, "I am so sad I will never see the beach or the moon again" she tears up a little and I take her hand. I say sorry for all she is going through.
Over the past year, I have tired to find a balance between work, home, friends and Mom. Some times I have felt like I have it all under control, other times I feel like I fail. I am so lucky to have Charlie and the kids, they have all gone over and above to help with everything. I am not sure they will ever know how much I love and appreciate them. For me, I have been dealing with the state, insurance companies, attorneys, and some less than caring family, keeping it all from my Mom no need to have her worry. My main focus was making her comfortable and making sure she had what she needed. I guess I was also feeling sorry for myself, how hard this was on me. Never even stopped to thinking about the little things she had lost.
At that moment I knew that Friday we were going to the beach. I didn't say anything to her just in case something came up. I got home Monday and shared the story with Charlie he agreed I should do whatever possible to make that happen. Tuesday, I over slept I was late for work and my day was long. Rushing I went to see my Mom who was also having a "bad day" no particular reason. Leaving there I was looking forward to some quite time at home, Charlie was working, that meant take-out!! No cooking, yippee! I got home and did a few things, hung out with the boys and before I knew it, it was 10:30!! I went to bed and had a horrible dream, that was the first time I woke up. Them I heard the rain and thunder and knew right then I wasn't getting much sleep. My cell phone rang at 11:20, funny how he knows so well that I would be awake. He wanted to tell me about an e-mail, something that added stress to both our day. We talked for a while and we both felt better. I fell back asleep, at midnight I woke up again, having a "funny feeling" about one of the kids... Tom was home, Dan wasn't, Bethany as far as I knew was at her Mom's. I talked with Tom for a bit, he reminds me of Charlie so much, he was great at calming me down. I must say I real enjoyed our talk. I felt better and went back to bed, I did ask him to have Danny check in with me. I layed there awake thinking, Dan finally checked in at 12:20ish, laughing at me, I felt better knowing he was home. But I was still not able to sleep lying awake thinking about everything! At 1:09am, I heard a noise, I opened my bedroom door to see Beth in her room crying. She had a terrible ride in the rain and was pretty upset. I stayed up with her until she calmed down, about 2am. Needless to say at 5:30am when the alarm went off, I was not ready for the day.
Wednesday went by pretty quick for being as tired as I was. I went to visit Mom. I was rushing my visit as I was in a hurry to get home, our niece was comming at 6:30 and we were all heading out. I was looking forward to family time! I was also feeling a bit guilty, I knew I wouldn't see Mom Thursday, cause I was going to the PATS game, and yes I was tired and talking myself out of the beach on Friday and opting for sleep.
Wednesday night was great, we had a bal. Second wind kicked in and I was drinking, laughing and having fun. We got back to the house and all sat in the kitchen, more drinks and talking and laughing. I must say times like these truely are some of my favorite. In my head I was still wavering on the Friday beach. Sleep was looking so good. Plus boy, did I have laundry to do! I had to get up a little early Thursday Charlie was leaving for his golf weekend and I needed to pack for him before I left for work and I had my things to get ready for the PATS game, as I was leaving right from work...thinking about it was making me exhausted! (yes, I can be a drama queen)
Thursday was a stressful day at work and rather than get up early, I had over slept. Got Charlie packed, but I forgot some things I wanted to bring to the PATS game. Even though I was running late, I was going to miss Charlie and lingered at home for a little longer, late again. I was also annoyed at myself cause I was letting an e-mail Charlie got from his ex bother me. It was a long day and I think part of me was hoping my friend would cancel. She didn't, I knew we would have fun, so I really was glad to go. Driving to her house my mood was better, but in my head I was not getting up Friday, we would do it another time. 2hrs in traffic lots of girl tak and advice and we arrived at Gillette, I felt my spirt lift. This was gonna be a good night! we had fun! Geting home at 11:30, ready for bed! But Bethany came in and we began talking, then Dan came in we stayed up til 12:45ish. They knew about my beach plan and Dan said he would come to the beach with us and Bethany wanted to go but she had to work, I was tired. YUP beach was definetly canceled. I would do it another time.
Friday, I forget to shut the alarm off and it goes off at 5:30, what?? I shut it off and roll over, I start to think about all the scarfies my Mom made for me over the years, was my sleep really more important than taking her to the beach? I was trying to fall back alseep, with so mcuh going through my mind that was not going to happen. At 8am I got up, started laundry and got myself together and called my Mom. I said "hey, wanna go to the beach?" She said "really, yeah." I went to wake up Dan, but he didn't move and I think deep down I wanted to do this alone. I picked her up and she told everyone she was off to the beach. Convertible top down off we went. We stoped and got tea and a donut. I was pleasntly surprised that I didn't have to pay to park at Devereux beach, although it would have been worth it! We got to the picnic bench and she sat and looked up and smiled, like I have not seen in a long time. She told me she wanted to walk to the water, I got her up, held her tight and we walked, I could see people looking at us, I could see the sadness they felt for us. She stopped as we got closer to the water and she began to cry, so did I. We stood there crying, I looked up at the water, the sound of the waves her tears, my tears.. at that moment nothing else mattered, I knew what was really important in life, the stress of the week seemed to almost lift off me, it was something I had never felt. I was so happy to be able to do this with her. We just sat there in silence listening to waves, holding hands, it was a bitter sweet moment that I will cherish forever and I feeling I hope I can hold onto. I am so happy I din't give into my week. We stayed for an 1hr 1/2 and for the first time in a long time, she seemed happy. I took her back got her settled gave her a kiss and when I went to leave she said, "Thank you, I love you so much Lisa".....I said I love you Mom.
I think in life we are given opportunities to grow and change and become better people. I think caring for my dying mother has changed me, I feel like I am a better person, don't get me wrong I back slide sometimes. But days like today remind what is really about, the little things.
I can tell something is different today she seems sad. Do I dare ask? She has a hard time speaking these days and when I have to ask her to repeat herself I can see the frustration or her face. I worry about the day she won't be able to speak anymore and really pray it never comes. I can't leave knowing something might be wrong so I move in close, tell her to speak slow and I ask what's wrong? I am not prepared for what she said next. She said, "I am so sad I will never see the beach or the moon again" she tears up a little and I take her hand. I say sorry for all she is going through.
Over the past year, I have tired to find a balance between work, home, friends and Mom. Some times I have felt like I have it all under control, other times I feel like I fail. I am so lucky to have Charlie and the kids, they have all gone over and above to help with everything. I am not sure they will ever know how much I love and appreciate them. For me, I have been dealing with the state, insurance companies, attorneys, and some less than caring family, keeping it all from my Mom no need to have her worry. My main focus was making her comfortable and making sure she had what she needed. I guess I was also feeling sorry for myself, how hard this was on me. Never even stopped to thinking about the little things she had lost.
At that moment I knew that Friday we were going to the beach. I didn't say anything to her just in case something came up. I got home Monday and shared the story with Charlie he agreed I should do whatever possible to make that happen. Tuesday, I over slept I was late for work and my day was long. Rushing I went to see my Mom who was also having a "bad day" no particular reason. Leaving there I was looking forward to some quite time at home, Charlie was working, that meant take-out!! No cooking, yippee! I got home and did a few things, hung out with the boys and before I knew it, it was 10:30!! I went to bed and had a horrible dream, that was the first time I woke up. Them I heard the rain and thunder and knew right then I wasn't getting much sleep. My cell phone rang at 11:20, funny how he knows so well that I would be awake. He wanted to tell me about an e-mail, something that added stress to both our day. We talked for a while and we both felt better. I fell back asleep, at midnight I woke up again, having a "funny feeling" about one of the kids... Tom was home, Dan wasn't, Bethany as far as I knew was at her Mom's. I talked with Tom for a bit, he reminds me of Charlie so much, he was great at calming me down. I must say I real enjoyed our talk. I felt better and went back to bed, I did ask him to have Danny check in with me. I layed there awake thinking, Dan finally checked in at 12:20ish, laughing at me, I felt better knowing he was home. But I was still not able to sleep lying awake thinking about everything! At 1:09am, I heard a noise, I opened my bedroom door to see Beth in her room crying. She had a terrible ride in the rain and was pretty upset. I stayed up with her until she calmed down, about 2am. Needless to say at 5:30am when the alarm went off, I was not ready for the day.
Wednesday went by pretty quick for being as tired as I was. I went to visit Mom. I was rushing my visit as I was in a hurry to get home, our niece was comming at 6:30 and we were all heading out. I was looking forward to family time! I was also feeling a bit guilty, I knew I wouldn't see Mom Thursday, cause I was going to the PATS game, and yes I was tired and talking myself out of the beach on Friday and opting for sleep.
Wednesday night was great, we had a bal. Second wind kicked in and I was drinking, laughing and having fun. We got back to the house and all sat in the kitchen, more drinks and talking and laughing. I must say times like these truely are some of my favorite. In my head I was still wavering on the Friday beach. Sleep was looking so good. Plus boy, did I have laundry to do! I had to get up a little early Thursday Charlie was leaving for his golf weekend and I needed to pack for him before I left for work and I had my things to get ready for the PATS game, as I was leaving right from work...thinking about it was making me exhausted! (yes, I can be a drama queen)
Thursday was a stressful day at work and rather than get up early, I had over slept. Got Charlie packed, but I forgot some things I wanted to bring to the PATS game. Even though I was running late, I was going to miss Charlie and lingered at home for a little longer, late again. I was also annoyed at myself cause I was letting an e-mail Charlie got from his ex bother me. It was a long day and I think part of me was hoping my friend would cancel. She didn't, I knew we would have fun, so I really was glad to go. Driving to her house my mood was better, but in my head I was not getting up Friday, we would do it another time. 2hrs in traffic lots of girl tak and advice and we arrived at Gillette, I felt my spirt lift. This was gonna be a good night! we had fun! Geting home at 11:30, ready for bed! But Bethany came in and we began talking, then Dan came in we stayed up til 12:45ish. They knew about my beach plan and Dan said he would come to the beach with us and Bethany wanted to go but she had to work, I was tired. YUP beach was definetly canceled. I would do it another time.
Friday, I forget to shut the alarm off and it goes off at 5:30, what?? I shut it off and roll over, I start to think about all the scarfies my Mom made for me over the years, was my sleep really more important than taking her to the beach? I was trying to fall back alseep, with so mcuh going through my mind that was not going to happen. At 8am I got up, started laundry and got myself together and called my Mom. I said "hey, wanna go to the beach?" She said "really, yeah." I went to wake up Dan, but he didn't move and I think deep down I wanted to do this alone. I picked her up and she told everyone she was off to the beach. Convertible top down off we went. We stoped and got tea and a donut. I was pleasntly surprised that I didn't have to pay to park at Devereux beach, although it would have been worth it! We got to the picnic bench and she sat and looked up and smiled, like I have not seen in a long time. She told me she wanted to walk to the water, I got her up, held her tight and we walked, I could see people looking at us, I could see the sadness they felt for us. She stopped as we got closer to the water and she began to cry, so did I. We stood there crying, I looked up at the water, the sound of the waves her tears, my tears.. at that moment nothing else mattered, I knew what was really important in life, the stress of the week seemed to almost lift off me, it was something I had never felt. I was so happy to be able to do this with her. We just sat there in silence listening to waves, holding hands, it was a bitter sweet moment that I will cherish forever and I feeling I hope I can hold onto. I am so happy I din't give into my week. We stayed for an 1hr 1/2 and for the first time in a long time, she seemed happy. I took her back got her settled gave her a kiss and when I went to leave she said, "Thank you, I love you so much Lisa".....I said I love you Mom.
I think in life we are given opportunities to grow and change and become better people. I think caring for my dying mother has changed me, I feel like I am a better person, don't get me wrong I back slide sometimes. But days like today remind what is really about, the little things.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Bonkers night and Bethany's mall take of me~
In my blog "wanna meet the kids" I told you all a story of a run-in at the mall with Charlie and the kids, I gave you my point of view and I told you of the story Bethany wrote about the same unofficial meeting, before I shared it, I just want to check with her, she said it was fine to share .....so here it is! Hysterical!
Bethany's take~
A year after my Mom and Dad announced the divorce; I was out with my Dad getting our weekly lunch at the North Shore Mall. I sat with my brothers and my friend Kelly, eating my chicken nugget Happy Meal in the food court. I joked and laughed with my brothers as we all played with our toys we got from McDonalds. Every once in a while, I would look around the busy mall and watch hectic shoppers rush by me. As I looked up, I see my Dad wave to a woman from across the food court. The woman walked over and hugged my Dad. My brothers and I watched in confusion as my Dad hugged and talked with this stranger. My Dad looks over to us smiling and yells over the noise of the mall: “Hey guys! I want you to meet someone!” The stranger strutted her stuff as she walked over to introduce herself. She was a little larger woman, with a great smile and expensive clothes. She had all the confidence in the world, but all I noticed was her 80’s hair and obnoxious red lipstick. “Kids, this is my friend Lisa,” said my Dad. “Hey guys, how are you?! It’s really nice to finally meet you!” This woman spoke like my brothers and I were some sort of celebrities. She was over-excited and continued to be over perky and over complimented everything about us. Not impressed, I continued to play with my Happy Meal toy and simply replied, “Hi.” She stayed and talked with my Dad and his friend for a few more minutes, and I glared at her for, what felt like, hours. I watched her every move and how she stared at my Dad and giggled like a little girl at everything he said. I knew that Lisa was not just my Dad’s "friend"
Back to the blog~
Even now, years later to read this makes me chuckle, she was dead-on...so perceptive at such a young age.
So the official meeting came in late February early March 1998, Charlie and I talked about it, my parents being divorced I remembered meeting my stepmother and feeling strange and unease. I didn't want that for Charlie's kids. I came up with the idea to bring my Goddaughter she was a year younger than Bethany and adored me, so I though perfect ice breaker. We picked BONKERS as a good neutral meeting spot, get some pizza, play some video games just have some fun! The time and the place set. My nerves not so much, I was a bundle of worry. I loved this man, what if his kids didn't like me what did that mean for our relationship. Charlie's kids were/are so important to him. Kids could smell phony a mile away, I had to go easy, be myself but not too much. I've been told I can be a little over the top( I don't see it) I try so hard to have people like me. Some might consider that a flaw, I don't. As the day approached I was filled with doubt. He was still married, I can't even remember if they had started the divorce process, so was opening myself up to getting attached to the kids as well and not having this work? I had to look at it as another life experience that would help me learn and grow. Nothing in life is a guarantee so I had to take a leap of faith.
So on the drive there I talked to my goddaughter about being nice and having fun and making her auntie Lisa seem like the best! The actual "hey guys" was great, I introduced Lexi (whom years later I found out was incredible mean to Bethany, Bethany and I laugh about it now) off the kids went to play, we had pizza told stories joked around with the boys. Beth was pretty quite and for me little girls loved me, so this was gonna be harder than I thought. The boys were so easy and I had been most nervous about them. Dan was eager to please doing little tricks on things and always with a big smile, Tom was smart, very smart and liked to explain how certain games worked and how to beat them. Beth was shy and holding onto to her Daddy, I got that "Daddy's little girl" All this so new to her, I know that confusion. I lived it, I couldn't try to hard it would make it worse. I understood more than she knew. 31 at the time and I still wanted my parents back together, now at 45 I still want them together. I know it isn't or never was possible but I still wanted it. I think it is a girl thing.
The night overall was fun and I enjoyed meeting them so much. At the end of the night Dan gave me a hug and I loved him for that. Charlie went in for a quick kiss goodbye and I pulled away fast, the look of terror that arose on Beth's face was enough to tell me to go slow, no one was ready for that. After I dropped Lexi off I went home and cried, it was a very emotional night. I was head over heels for this great guy. To me the past 8 1/2 months felt like he was 2 people my boyfriend and their Dad, the lives where separate and safe for both of us. Now what? Could this work? Could I take on the responsibility of 3 kids? Charlie had his kids as much as he could, his Ex worked alot, he was with kids everyday. Now that I meet them would I see them everyday as well? These and a gazillion question kept me up most of that night. Woman!! We worry about everything before it even happens. Baby steps, no "I love you" yet no divorce yet...keep it light Lisa, keep it light!
Bethany's take~
A year after my Mom and Dad announced the divorce; I was out with my Dad getting our weekly lunch at the North Shore Mall. I sat with my brothers and my friend Kelly, eating my chicken nugget Happy Meal in the food court. I joked and laughed with my brothers as we all played with our toys we got from McDonalds. Every once in a while, I would look around the busy mall and watch hectic shoppers rush by me. As I looked up, I see my Dad wave to a woman from across the food court. The woman walked over and hugged my Dad. My brothers and I watched in confusion as my Dad hugged and talked with this stranger. My Dad looks over to us smiling and yells over the noise of the mall: “Hey guys! I want you to meet someone!” The stranger strutted her stuff as she walked over to introduce herself. She was a little larger woman, with a great smile and expensive clothes. She had all the confidence in the world, but all I noticed was her 80’s hair and obnoxious red lipstick. “Kids, this is my friend Lisa,” said my Dad. “Hey guys, how are you?! It’s really nice to finally meet you!” This woman spoke like my brothers and I were some sort of celebrities. She was over-excited and continued to be over perky and over complimented everything about us. Not impressed, I continued to play with my Happy Meal toy and simply replied, “Hi.” She stayed and talked with my Dad and his friend for a few more minutes, and I glared at her for, what felt like, hours. I watched her every move and how she stared at my Dad and giggled like a little girl at everything he said. I knew that Lisa was not just my Dad’s "friend"
Back to the blog~
Even now, years later to read this makes me chuckle, she was dead-on...so perceptive at such a young age.
So the official meeting came in late February early March 1998, Charlie and I talked about it, my parents being divorced I remembered meeting my stepmother and feeling strange and unease. I didn't want that for Charlie's kids. I came up with the idea to bring my Goddaughter she was a year younger than Bethany and adored me, so I though perfect ice breaker. We picked BONKERS as a good neutral meeting spot, get some pizza, play some video games just have some fun! The time and the place set. My nerves not so much, I was a bundle of worry. I loved this man, what if his kids didn't like me what did that mean for our relationship. Charlie's kids were/are so important to him. Kids could smell phony a mile away, I had to go easy, be myself but not too much. I've been told I can be a little over the top( I don't see it) I try so hard to have people like me. Some might consider that a flaw, I don't. As the day approached I was filled with doubt. He was still married, I can't even remember if they had started the divorce process, so was opening myself up to getting attached to the kids as well and not having this work? I had to look at it as another life experience that would help me learn and grow. Nothing in life is a guarantee so I had to take a leap of faith.
So on the drive there I talked to my goddaughter about being nice and having fun and making her auntie Lisa seem like the best! The actual "hey guys" was great, I introduced Lexi (whom years later I found out was incredible mean to Bethany, Bethany and I laugh about it now) off the kids went to play, we had pizza told stories joked around with the boys. Beth was pretty quite and for me little girls loved me, so this was gonna be harder than I thought. The boys were so easy and I had been most nervous about them. Dan was eager to please doing little tricks on things and always with a big smile, Tom was smart, very smart and liked to explain how certain games worked and how to beat them. Beth was shy and holding onto to her Daddy, I got that "Daddy's little girl" All this so new to her, I know that confusion. I lived it, I couldn't try to hard it would make it worse. I understood more than she knew. 31 at the time and I still wanted my parents back together, now at 45 I still want them together. I know it isn't or never was possible but I still wanted it. I think it is a girl thing.
The night overall was fun and I enjoyed meeting them so much. At the end of the night Dan gave me a hug and I loved him for that. Charlie went in for a quick kiss goodbye and I pulled away fast, the look of terror that arose on Beth's face was enough to tell me to go slow, no one was ready for that. After I dropped Lexi off I went home and cried, it was a very emotional night. I was head over heels for this great guy. To me the past 8 1/2 months felt like he was 2 people my boyfriend and their Dad, the lives where separate and safe for both of us. Now what? Could this work? Could I take on the responsibility of 3 kids? Charlie had his kids as much as he could, his Ex worked alot, he was with kids everyday. Now that I meet them would I see them everyday as well? These and a gazillion question kept me up most of that night. Woman!! We worry about everything before it even happens. Baby steps, no "I love you" yet no divorce yet...keep it light Lisa, keep it light!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
some good news ~
Before I start my blog, I need to share some excitement.... The first 7 chapters of the book have been reviewed and accepted, some minor corrections..mostly because I am not a writer, but I can live with it.
Constructive criticism is always welcome. How else does one become a better person~
Also, finally our kitchen project will start. We finished the bathroom a few months ago and I must say..it is my dream bathroom and although my husband likes to complain that we went way over or budget,(which we have learned we were way off.) He even admits it is favorite room in the house. They will be starting next week with my farmers porch!! I am so happy this will be first, original they though it would be last. I already have my furniture and I can't wait to have my first glass of wine on my new porch. Then they will do the new back landing and new french doors entrance to the house, then siding for the house nice beige, love it I let Charlie pick the outside color, I had to give him something! Then the inside demolition begins, I have had so much fun picking cabinets, counter tops, new fixtures, paint... I have been dying to do this since I moved in!!
Little background, the house is Charlie's childhood home, he moved out when he got married and a few years later an in-law apartment was done in the basement his parents moved down and he moved back with his wife and 2 boys. Going through the mediation process for his divorce it became clear that because his parents still lived in the home, the best solution would be for Charlie to buy her out of the house. He then asked me to move with him, I had been saving for a house of my own for a few years, so it seemed perfect. I just asked that I take my savings and do some cosmetic things to make the house my own. He agreed, I did and from the day I moved in 9/15/99 it has always felt like mine.
He was very happy that I wanted to go with him and loved all the changes I made He told me I made it feel like a home for him for the first time since he was a child. Anyways getting ahead of the story. It always has felt like my home, but lets just say once the changes are done, it truly will be my dream home.
Constructive criticism is always welcome. How else does one become a better person~
Also, finally our kitchen project will start. We finished the bathroom a few months ago and I must say..it is my dream bathroom and although my husband likes to complain that we went way over or budget,(which we have learned we were way off.) He even admits it is favorite room in the house. They will be starting next week with my farmers porch!! I am so happy this will be first, original they though it would be last. I already have my furniture and I can't wait to have my first glass of wine on my new porch. Then they will do the new back landing and new french doors entrance to the house, then siding for the house nice beige, love it I let Charlie pick the outside color, I had to give him something! Then the inside demolition begins, I have had so much fun picking cabinets, counter tops, new fixtures, paint... I have been dying to do this since I moved in!!
Little background, the house is Charlie's childhood home, he moved out when he got married and a few years later an in-law apartment was done in the basement his parents moved down and he moved back with his wife and 2 boys. Going through the mediation process for his divorce it became clear that because his parents still lived in the home, the best solution would be for Charlie to buy her out of the house. He then asked me to move with him, I had been saving for a house of my own for a few years, so it seemed perfect. I just asked that I take my savings and do some cosmetic things to make the house my own. He agreed, I did and from the day I moved in 9/15/99 it has always felt like mine.
He was very happy that I wanted to go with him and loved all the changes I made He told me I made it feel like a home for him for the first time since he was a child. Anyways getting ahead of the story. It always has felt like my home, but lets just say once the changes are done, it truly will be my dream home.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Wanna meet the kids?
Anyways, time moved forward with no "I love you" from Charlie, but we were growing closer and closer and his actions spoke louder than those 3 words. My time lines are fuzzy but somewhere mid to end February I was at the mall on a Saturday afternoon with some friends and while walking past the food court, I saw him. Charlie was there with his friend and his daughter and Charlie's 3 kids, there was really no avoiding him so I walked over to say hello. It was awkward and I was trying to be very friendly, the boys said hi and went about eating their fries, his daughter looking over the top of her glasses, said nothing! the encounter lasted all of 10mins but felt like hours, days, years. I made my escape and thought this will be harder than I thought. A few years ago Bethany wrote a story about "Family" for school, she actually mentions the above meeting and her take is pretty funny, I am going to ask her if I can share her story so you may see it later in the blog.
Then one night when Charlie was at his soon to be ex-wife's house with the kids, she came home from work and they had a conversation about the kids meeting the "significant others". Then he and I had a conversation about it, he wanted to know if I was ready for that, if it was what I wanted. Of course I loved him, and the few brief encounters I had, had with the kids I was already smitten by them. They were adorable and very easy going kids. I asked him to let me think about it, this was a big step. Growing up I wanted 5 kids, I couldn't wait to be a mother, OK so getting ahead of myself he just asked me to meet them, but obviously I had to think about what this meant for me.
If our relationship was going to continue I did have to think about the undertaking, it wasn't just him, I was going to be in a relationship with his children.
I had never been closer to a man, he was everything I had ever wanted, at times our relationship was so simple. Adding the children would change this. At this time he was still pretty close to his soon to be ex-wife, it was different, their whole divorce was different. It wasn't nasty, I am not gonna speak too much about their relationship/divorce as it isn't my place and I respect that. Truth be told I only know Charlie's side of the story so it really wouldn't be fair anyway. I know he was torn at staying friendly with her, but life, parenting styles, and our relationship was getting in the way at times. Somewhere down the road it became my fault that their friendship ended, I am okay with taking the blame.
What did being a stepmother mean, they weren't my kids, what would my role be? Could I handle sharing my relationship with Charlie, with them? Would they like me? Would his ex-wife like me? These and a million other question swirled around in my head. No one grows up thinking "hey can't wait to be a stepmother" and no woman going through a divorce thinks "hey, can't wait to share my kids with the other woman" again, all he asked me to do was meet them. I needed to relax enjoy what was happening and figure the rest out along the way.
Then one night when Charlie was at his soon to be ex-wife's house with the kids, she came home from work and they had a conversation about the kids meeting the "significant others". Then he and I had a conversation about it, he wanted to know if I was ready for that, if it was what I wanted. Of course I loved him, and the few brief encounters I had, had with the kids I was already smitten by them. They were adorable and very easy going kids. I asked him to let me think about it, this was a big step. Growing up I wanted 5 kids, I couldn't wait to be a mother, OK so getting ahead of myself he just asked me to meet them, but obviously I had to think about what this meant for me.
If our relationship was going to continue I did have to think about the undertaking, it wasn't just him, I was going to be in a relationship with his children.
I had never been closer to a man, he was everything I had ever wanted, at times our relationship was so simple. Adding the children would change this. At this time he was still pretty close to his soon to be ex-wife, it was different, their whole divorce was different. It wasn't nasty, I am not gonna speak too much about their relationship/divorce as it isn't my place and I respect that. Truth be told I only know Charlie's side of the story so it really wouldn't be fair anyway. I know he was torn at staying friendly with her, but life, parenting styles, and our relationship was getting in the way at times. Somewhere down the road it became my fault that their friendship ended, I am okay with taking the blame.
What did being a stepmother mean, they weren't my kids, what would my role be? Could I handle sharing my relationship with Charlie, with them? Would they like me? Would his ex-wife like me? These and a million other question swirled around in my head. No one grows up thinking "hey can't wait to be a stepmother" and no woman going through a divorce thinks "hey, can't wait to share my kids with the other woman" again, all he asked me to do was meet them. I needed to relax enjoy what was happening and figure the rest out along the way.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Let me explain~
I am beyond thrilled with all the e-mails from all of you regarding the blog! Alot of you have been asking about the book, the book is completely different. It will be about my relationship with my Mom, the "Irish guilt" her disease and all the laughs we are having along the way.
I have been in contact with a publishing company and a few good friends have also started books. The advice was, start a blog about something different generate interest in your writing. The book is fun, easy to write, start a blog about something different? So, what do I know about, diets...nope lol. My husband said write about you, us the great job you have done with my children. I am.
I am so glad you are all enjoying my personal journey, it has been fun for me to think back about all the wonderful things I am blessed with.
Not being able to have children was the single worst moment of my life. To meet my husband and his 3 little ones who needed me, saved me.
The second worst thing has slowly been watching my Mom die, It has changed me....gave me strengh when I had none, taught me to be a better person. Also, my husband has gone above and beyond to be there for me and my mother, so have my children.
Thank you all for your support and I am glad you are enjoying.....keep reading!!
I have been in contact with a publishing company and a few good friends have also started books. The advice was, start a blog about something different generate interest in your writing. The book is fun, easy to write, start a blog about something different? So, what do I know about, diets...nope lol. My husband said write about you, us the great job you have done with my children. I am.
I am so glad you are all enjoying my personal journey, it has been fun for me to think back about all the wonderful things I am blessed with.
Not being able to have children was the single worst moment of my life. To meet my husband and his 3 little ones who needed me, saved me.
The second worst thing has slowly been watching my Mom die, It has changed me....gave me strengh when I had none, taught me to be a better person. Also, my husband has gone above and beyond to be there for me and my mother, so have my children.
Thank you all for your support and I am glad you are enjoying.....keep reading!!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Time goes on~
So, he's all moved back to his buddies and everything is right with my world. We are spending more and more time together at his place, which for me was great! When we where there it was like the rest of the world didn't exist. Sometimes we talk about his room there, we called it the "cave" and how much fun we had and how easy life was. I learned more and more about him and I was falling in love, hoping he was to. I learned more about his marriage, his children, his family and everything else.
Round about mid February, he invited me come watch him and some friends play in a winter charity softball game outdoors! I think it was for charity, now that I know them all I am not sure it wasn't just for them to play in the snow!! Either way I was excited I would get to meet his friends. This day went horrible wrong. #1, I wore off-white suede boots to any outdoor snowy muddy field with a baby blue suede jacket, I look great, however after standing outside dressed like that I looked ridiculous. Trust me his friends still talk about that outfit! After the game we all went to Sam N Joes for food and drink and more drink and more drink trying to show I could "hang with the big boys" I tired to keep up, that was mistake #2. Mistake # 3 comes after we get back to my place and "drunk girl" ( she caused me lots of trouble over the years) on the advice of his friends, see they told me how happy Charlie was and they had never seen him this happy in a long time, how perfect we seemed together. Drunk girl took this advie and praise and picked that night to tell Charlie " I love you" his reply.......wait for it.... "thank you" wait what, thank you? Yes ladies and gentlemen he thanked me, no "I love you too" nothing silence, a pat on the back may have been better than that. We still joke today, now that I am able to laugh about it. That night drunk girl left the room and cried, what I done? Was this going to ruin everything? When I went back to bed he was asleep, bastard I thought.
The next day there was no mention of what I said, I acted as if nothing was different and joked about his friends, truth be told I had a killer hang-over we pretty much stayed in bed all day! Ok just to be clear although I don't want to talk about it too much, our sex life was beyond amazing and still is~ enough said!
Anyway, after a few days he asked if I wanted to talk about what I said... I played dumb we laughed and talked about what "love" really was, he told me he knew he felt something speacial for me, but wasn't sure if it was love, he didn't want to loose me, but he wasn't ready to say those words. I guess although it hurt that he wasn't ready or that he didn't love me ( which I know he did) he treated me better than any man I had ever known and that for me was going to be enough until I healed his wounds and he was ready to tell me.
I like that now years later, we have told the kids some of the story of us and that is thier favorite and every once in awhile when I say "I love you" to them, they say "thank you"
Round about mid February, he invited me come watch him and some friends play in a winter charity softball game outdoors! I think it was for charity, now that I know them all I am not sure it wasn't just for them to play in the snow!! Either way I was excited I would get to meet his friends. This day went horrible wrong. #1, I wore off-white suede boots to any outdoor snowy muddy field with a baby blue suede jacket, I look great, however after standing outside dressed like that I looked ridiculous. Trust me his friends still talk about that outfit! After the game we all went to Sam N Joes for food and drink and more drink and more drink trying to show I could "hang with the big boys" I tired to keep up, that was mistake #2. Mistake # 3 comes after we get back to my place and "drunk girl" ( she caused me lots of trouble over the years) on the advice of his friends, see they told me how happy Charlie was and they had never seen him this happy in a long time, how perfect we seemed together. Drunk girl took this advie and praise and picked that night to tell Charlie " I love you" his reply.......wait for it.... "thank you" wait what, thank you? Yes ladies and gentlemen he thanked me, no "I love you too" nothing silence, a pat on the back may have been better than that. We still joke today, now that I am able to laugh about it. That night drunk girl left the room and cried, what I done? Was this going to ruin everything? When I went back to bed he was asleep, bastard I thought.
The next day there was no mention of what I said, I acted as if nothing was different and joked about his friends, truth be told I had a killer hang-over we pretty much stayed in bed all day! Ok just to be clear although I don't want to talk about it too much, our sex life was beyond amazing and still is~ enough said!
Anyway, after a few days he asked if I wanted to talk about what I said... I played dumb we laughed and talked about what "love" really was, he told me he knew he felt something speacial for me, but wasn't sure if it was love, he didn't want to loose me, but he wasn't ready to say those words. I guess although it hurt that he wasn't ready or that he didn't love me ( which I know he did) he treated me better than any man I had ever known and that for me was going to be enough until I healed his wounds and he was ready to tell me.
I like that now years later, we have told the kids some of the story of us and that is thier favorite and every once in awhile when I say "I love you" to them, they say "thank you"
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Can I stay with you?
Obviously, I made the right choice, we continued dating and the kids weren't an issue. It had only been 3 1/2 months. It was late October when he told me that his buddy was renovating his home and Charlie needed to find a place to stay. He had the option of staying at his Uncle's as they headed to Florida for the winter or could he stay with me, it was only gonna be 3 weeks. Of course I said "stay with me" 3 weeks turned into 3 months and I was falling head over heals in love!! He did however promise his buddy he would move back in with him and if nothing else Charlie is a man of his word. When the time came for him to move back, I wanted so badly to ask him to stay.
Problem was he was still a married man. There had been no movement towards a divorce, the plan was he would move out, they would possibly try counseling and go from there. He meet me we were dating, there was no mention of her. I didn't ask much about that but it was always in the back of my mind. Who was this woman who gave up this terrific guy? I knew what he told me about his marriage, his short comings and hers. How his expectations weren't met. I was sure she would have her side and somewhere in the middle was the truth. Although he did take 50% percent blame which was more than most guys. Other than what he said I didn't ask much.... plus once I said to him well, there had to happy times and he couldn't remember those, that made me sad for him. Mostly he missed the day to day with his kids and wanted to spend as much time as he possible could with them.
That to me was something to admire the typical divorced Dads do the bare minimum that was never Charlie and I knew that. I knew that if this relationship continued I had to be ready to open my heart. I was sure I could do that.
Christmas rolled around and we celebrated Christmas Eve before he left for work, it was wonderful. I felt truely happy. Christmas day I wouldn't see him, he headed to spend the morning with the kids, his parents and yes, her. He had to work again Christmas night, we did talk on the phone and he did invite me to the station, but I was good and happy and I was affraid I would ask to many questions if I saw him, what I didn't know couldn't hurt me. That would be the last Christmas mornig he would ever spend with his children. I'll get into that later.
Sometime in January he told me that his wife and he had set up a lunch date to "talk" things over. This terrified me and I wanted to hold on for dear life. I think I cried, what did this mean? Had I invested too much, I knew with 3 little kids this was a chance, had I been so wrong about what we felt for each other? 6 months had passed so quickly, neither of us had said "I love you" should I have?
He asked me what I was thinking and I froze, I said you have a family if you think you can make it work then what choice do you have, you need to try. What he said next was music to my ears. He said before I met you maybe I could have tired, but now you are everything I have ever wanted in a woman and more. Still neither of us speaking the words. Then like a knife, he said but if I did it would only be because of the kids. He was torn because of them. He also said that he knew she wanted him to change and he wanted her to change and he didn't think either of them was truely capable of it. Trying to be the strong confident woman, I listened offered adive and told him I would always be his friend.
The lunch day arrived it was a Friday, it was a long day and I didn't want to call and seem insecure. Did I have reason to be? I had never met her, knew only what he told me, so what was there to be affraid of? Oh yeah those 3 little kids.
When I arrived home he was home and packing to move back to his buddies the next weekend, or was he going home? His mood was foul and sad, I needed to ask as casually as I could muster "how was lunch?" he said they talked, cried and in the end realized they had made the right choice and would start the process. I stood silent trying not to show I was beyond thirlled, he then said she leaned over and kissed me. What, wait? Why? My insecurites flooded over me like a title wave. He said it was no big deal but to me, it was huge.
I fought with myself silently over the next few hours trying to rationalize all I was feeling. He wasn't going back he picked me or us. She was his wife, it was a goodbye kiss. Our date that night was strained and I hated it. It felt all so wrong, why was I letting this bother me. To be honest the next week was strained and everytime she paged him, I felt my blood boil. Ok, get ahold of yourself woman. STOP, breathe...
We had a long talk and I spoke of everything that bothred me all my little insecurites, he simply said "we are worth it, we have something" No matter what I have 3 children and a soon to be Ex-wife, you need to handle it, if you can't we can't be.
Simple true and right on point. I can handle it, I will handle it! He moved back to his buddies and we began
dating again, and having the best time ever!!! If I think about it this went fast, he moved in and out all in 7 months and I knew it wouldn't be long before he moved back in!
Problem was he was still a married man. There had been no movement towards a divorce, the plan was he would move out, they would possibly try counseling and go from there. He meet me we were dating, there was no mention of her. I didn't ask much about that but it was always in the back of my mind. Who was this woman who gave up this terrific guy? I knew what he told me about his marriage, his short comings and hers. How his expectations weren't met. I was sure she would have her side and somewhere in the middle was the truth. Although he did take 50% percent blame which was more than most guys. Other than what he said I didn't ask much.... plus once I said to him well, there had to happy times and he couldn't remember those, that made me sad for him. Mostly he missed the day to day with his kids and wanted to spend as much time as he possible could with them.
That to me was something to admire the typical divorced Dads do the bare minimum that was never Charlie and I knew that. I knew that if this relationship continued I had to be ready to open my heart. I was sure I could do that.
Christmas rolled around and we celebrated Christmas Eve before he left for work, it was wonderful. I felt truely happy. Christmas day I wouldn't see him, he headed to spend the morning with the kids, his parents and yes, her. He had to work again Christmas night, we did talk on the phone and he did invite me to the station, but I was good and happy and I was affraid I would ask to many questions if I saw him, what I didn't know couldn't hurt me. That would be the last Christmas mornig he would ever spend with his children. I'll get into that later.
Sometime in January he told me that his wife and he had set up a lunch date to "talk" things over. This terrified me and I wanted to hold on for dear life. I think I cried, what did this mean? Had I invested too much, I knew with 3 little kids this was a chance, had I been so wrong about what we felt for each other? 6 months had passed so quickly, neither of us had said "I love you" should I have?
He asked me what I was thinking and I froze, I said you have a family if you think you can make it work then what choice do you have, you need to try. What he said next was music to my ears. He said before I met you maybe I could have tired, but now you are everything I have ever wanted in a woman and more. Still neither of us speaking the words. Then like a knife, he said but if I did it would only be because of the kids. He was torn because of them. He also said that he knew she wanted him to change and he wanted her to change and he didn't think either of them was truely capable of it. Trying to be the strong confident woman, I listened offered adive and told him I would always be his friend.
The lunch day arrived it was a Friday, it was a long day and I didn't want to call and seem insecure. Did I have reason to be? I had never met her, knew only what he told me, so what was there to be affraid of? Oh yeah those 3 little kids.
When I arrived home he was home and packing to move back to his buddies the next weekend, or was he going home? His mood was foul and sad, I needed to ask as casually as I could muster "how was lunch?" he said they talked, cried and in the end realized they had made the right choice and would start the process. I stood silent trying not to show I was beyond thirlled, he then said she leaned over and kissed me. What, wait? Why? My insecurites flooded over me like a title wave. He said it was no big deal but to me, it was huge.
I fought with myself silently over the next few hours trying to rationalize all I was feeling. He wasn't going back he picked me or us. She was his wife, it was a goodbye kiss. Our date that night was strained and I hated it. It felt all so wrong, why was I letting this bother me. To be honest the next week was strained and everytime she paged him, I felt my blood boil. Ok, get ahold of yourself woman. STOP, breathe...
We had a long talk and I spoke of everything that bothred me all my little insecurites, he simply said "we are worth it, we have something" No matter what I have 3 children and a soon to be Ex-wife, you need to handle it, if you can't we can't be.
Simple true and right on point. I can handle it, I will handle it! He moved back to his buddies and we began
dating again, and having the best time ever!!! If I think about it this went fast, he moved in and out all in 7 months and I knew it wouldn't be long before he moved back in!
He's Back~
Well~ day one of his week away....2 of my best guy friends called they were heading to NH to Bill's parents place and wanted to know if I wanted to go, what the heck. We were out on the boat and I was soaking up the sun and the boys went tubing, I thought I would try, thinking back now, the voices in my head where screaming at me not to do it, but as usual I ignored them. All I remember was flipping off and feeling like my arm left my body, all I heard around me as I gasped for air trying to stay above water....(yes, this is me being dramatic) was my 2 friends lifting me and then because 1 boob came out of my bathing suit, they dropped me back in the water. Really?? I know they had seen boobies before. After adjusting myself they finally pulled me to safety. I was in pain and angry at myself. I am not the most athletic or outdoorsy girl and this just proved sun bathing is the only summer activity I should do.
I ended up in the ER with a small fracture to my shoulder, my doctor said they can sometimes be more painful than an actual break. My left arm was placed in a sling for 3 weeks!! I am a righty so this wasn't as horrible as it could have been. Do you see where this is going?
When Charlie got back on Saturday he called and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner, of course I did.
Now I know "The Rules Book" which was very popular back then, stated never make yourself available last minute, I said to hell with the rules "Yes, Charlie, I am available and would love to go". I did tell him about my shoulder, so we made quite the pair, him in his cast me in a sling, oy. We joked that we would tell the waitress it was a trampoline accident gone horrible wrong, surprisingly no one asked, we did get a lot of strange looks. It was the best first date I had ever had. The kiss at the end, let's just say it made my toes curl and I had butterflies in my stomach, truth be told I still do to this day when he kisses me.
Oddly enough the fact that he had a broken wrist worked to our advantage, he was unable to work and when he wasn't with the kids he was with me. We spent a lot of time together Monday -Friday, the weekends he had his children and we were no where near that point yet. I felt like this relationship was better than any other I had, he was caring, a good listener, fun to be around and I was really getting to know him and he was getting to know me.
Not the me everyone thought they knew, but the real me. During my first marriage I worked at the same hospital as my Ex-husband, our divorce was very public and rumors ran wild. I was a single gal with lots of friends and had parties and went out, my social circle was work.... people love to gossip and boy did I make it easy!! I ended up leaving as all the "chatter' got to be too much and even though 80% of stuff wasn't true I was never going to be able to change the perception.
Anyway, enough about that, that could be another blog! At the end of the summer there was a charity softball game between the Peabody Police and Firedepartment, it was a public event and I knew Charlie was going (didn't know it was with his kids), I asked my friend Bill to go with me, it was good oppurtunity to hang out. When I arrived, what I saw stopped me dead in my tracks... there he was surrounded by 3 little ones dancing around him in a cricle, as adorable as it was I thought "am I crazy?" I can't date a man with 3 little kids, was this my plan, would I be good at it, could I love them? These and a gazillion other questions whirled around in my mind. My friend saw my panic and we went for a walk, he pointed out that Charlie was a great guy, perfect for me, me for him how happy I had been the past few months since I had meet him was I really going to walk away?
I ended up in the ER with a small fracture to my shoulder, my doctor said they can sometimes be more painful than an actual break. My left arm was placed in a sling for 3 weeks!! I am a righty so this wasn't as horrible as it could have been. Do you see where this is going?
When Charlie got back on Saturday he called and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner, of course I did.
Now I know "The Rules Book" which was very popular back then, stated never make yourself available last minute, I said to hell with the rules "Yes, Charlie, I am available and would love to go". I did tell him about my shoulder, so we made quite the pair, him in his cast me in a sling, oy. We joked that we would tell the waitress it was a trampoline accident gone horrible wrong, surprisingly no one asked, we did get a lot of strange looks. It was the best first date I had ever had. The kiss at the end, let's just say it made my toes curl and I had butterflies in my stomach, truth be told I still do to this day when he kisses me.
Oddly enough the fact that he had a broken wrist worked to our advantage, he was unable to work and when he wasn't with the kids he was with me. We spent a lot of time together Monday -Friday, the weekends he had his children and we were no where near that point yet. I felt like this relationship was better than any other I had, he was caring, a good listener, fun to be around and I was really getting to know him and he was getting to know me.
Not the me everyone thought they knew, but the real me. During my first marriage I worked at the same hospital as my Ex-husband, our divorce was very public and rumors ran wild. I was a single gal with lots of friends and had parties and went out, my social circle was work.... people love to gossip and boy did I make it easy!! I ended up leaving as all the "chatter' got to be too much and even though 80% of stuff wasn't true I was never going to be able to change the perception.
Anyway, enough about that, that could be another blog! At the end of the summer there was a charity softball game between the Peabody Police and Firedepartment, it was a public event and I knew Charlie was going (didn't know it was with his kids), I asked my friend Bill to go with me, it was good oppurtunity to hang out. When I arrived, what I saw stopped me dead in my tracks... there he was surrounded by 3 little ones dancing around him in a cricle, as adorable as it was I thought "am I crazy?" I can't date a man with 3 little kids, was this my plan, would I be good at it, could I love them? These and a gazillion other questions whirled around in my mind. My friend saw my panic and we went for a walk, he pointed out that Charlie was a great guy, perfect for me, me for him how happy I had been the past few months since I had meet him was I really going to walk away?
Monday, August 1, 2011
The Date~
We began talking on the phone alot, I also took a new approach with this man, I told everything about me no lies, the good the bad the lies, the mistakes everything, something about him made me want to be a better woman.
I looked forward to our nightly phone calls and seeing him at the games, he fnallly asked me on a date 3 weeks after our kisses in the pool. The date was set it was a Wednesday night and we planed to have dinner after the softball game, I was on cloud nine.
I got to the game late and was a bit nervous, he was at bat and hit a long drive into the out feild, he was running the ball was comming back in, he slide and all that was heard was a crack and a scream.... that was it, he broke his wrist he had to be taken to th ER, Jess drove him (the girl that lliked him as well), I followed.
She left after droping him off, I stayed for a while... found out he would need to have surgery. His friend and his friend's wife showed up and they had called is wife (separated) she was comming to get his car and take care of him.
He asked to see me, our date was post-poned and I left, feeling every emotion possible and wonder when, or if I would hear from him.....yes I can be a drama queen , or could be I am not (or try not to be) anymore.
I knew his surgery was the next day, I heard nothing. Jess called me she knew alot of the guys on the department and found out that his surgery went fine and he was home. Not the apartment he had moved into several days earlier, but his home, with his wife, his kids and his parents who lived in an in-law appartment.
I'm not gonna lie, I hung up the phone and cried for a while.... I hadn't had good experiences in love so why did I think this would be any different. I spent the night feeling sorry for myself.
Friday mornig, he callled. He sounded so sweet and so sad that we had to cancel our date, he said he was staying with his wife, saying how weird it sounded but he really had no place else to go. Let's face it I would have offered to take care of him, but how well would that have worked, we hadn't even had a n offical date....just a few make-out sessions.
Trying to sound like a secure confident woman, I commented how great that was. He then reminded me that was leaving the next day for a week with his kids and another family they had gone on vacation with. He was taking the kids alone with a broken wrist, to Story Land I thought this man is amazing. I want to know more.
I told him to have a great time, and I wanted that date when he got back. I hung up actually feeling like a strong confident woman. It was a long week~
I looked forward to our nightly phone calls and seeing him at the games, he fnallly asked me on a date 3 weeks after our kisses in the pool. The date was set it was a Wednesday night and we planed to have dinner after the softball game, I was on cloud nine.
I got to the game late and was a bit nervous, he was at bat and hit a long drive into the out feild, he was running the ball was comming back in, he slide and all that was heard was a crack and a scream.... that was it, he broke his wrist he had to be taken to th ER, Jess drove him (the girl that lliked him as well), I followed.
She left after droping him off, I stayed for a while... found out he would need to have surgery. His friend and his friend's wife showed up and they had called is wife (separated) she was comming to get his car and take care of him.
He asked to see me, our date was post-poned and I left, feeling every emotion possible and wonder when, or if I would hear from him.....yes I can be a drama queen , or could be I am not (or try not to be) anymore.
I knew his surgery was the next day, I heard nothing. Jess called me she knew alot of the guys on the department and found out that his surgery went fine and he was home. Not the apartment he had moved into several days earlier, but his home, with his wife, his kids and his parents who lived in an in-law appartment.
I'm not gonna lie, I hung up the phone and cried for a while.... I hadn't had good experiences in love so why did I think this would be any different. I spent the night feeling sorry for myself.
Friday mornig, he callled. He sounded so sweet and so sad that we had to cancel our date, he said he was staying with his wife, saying how weird it sounded but he really had no place else to go. Let's face it I would have offered to take care of him, but how well would that have worked, we hadn't even had a n offical date....just a few make-out sessions.
Trying to sound like a secure confident woman, I commented how great that was. He then reminded me that was leaving the next day for a week with his kids and another family they had gone on vacation with. He was taking the kids alone with a broken wrist, to Story Land I thought this man is amazing. I want to know more.
I told him to have a great time, and I wanted that date when he got back. I hung up actually feeling like a strong confident woman. It was a long week~
moving forward
Charlie was shy and in emotional turmoil, thinking he had it all, a home, 3 healthy happy kids. Suddenly that was turned upside down. He clearly was not getting my less that obvious passes, it was cute. Finally I took the bull by the horns and invited him to a block party I was attending 4th of July weekend, to my surprise and delight he came. It became clear to me at this party that there was another girl who had designs on him as well and nick named him "Charlie bear" really? UGH. So, like they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer, she became my new best friend..... I soon learned she lied and did not have my best interest at heart, luckily Charlie figured it out and ignored anything she said.
When he had to leave the party, I kissed him good-bye, he still didn't get it. It was becoming clear to me I was gonna to have to throw myself at this man and believe me you I would. He had been a dedicated husband and father and was outa the game.
Several weeks went by, we talked after every game...when the kids where with him I chatted with them, but was never introduced, I thought they were adorable...but they scared the HELL outa me. On one particular night it was so hot that one of the guys on the team invited us to his home for drinks and to go in the pool....Charlie was on the fence about going, but I beged, I mean it I beged. He said he would come~ In the pool alone, I had less than lady like behavior, and let him know how much I liked him.
I had made so many mistakes with men in the past, sleeping with them to soon, I was not going to do this with him. I was going to take my time build a relationship and make him fall in love with me. At the end of the night he asked for my number, he called the next day.
When he had to leave the party, I kissed him good-bye, he still didn't get it. It was becoming clear to me I was gonna to have to throw myself at this man and believe me you I would. He had been a dedicated husband and father and was outa the game.
Several weeks went by, we talked after every game...when the kids where with him I chatted with them, but was never introduced, I thought they were adorable...but they scared the HELL outa me. On one particular night it was so hot that one of the guys on the team invited us to his home for drinks and to go in the pool....Charlie was on the fence about going, but I beged, I mean it I beged. He said he would come~ In the pool alone, I had less than lady like behavior, and let him know how much I liked him.
I had made so many mistakes with men in the past, sleeping with them to soon, I was not going to do this with him. I was going to take my time build a relationship and make him fall in love with me. At the end of the night he asked for my number, he called the next day.
Ok~ I am trying to do this so noone gets bored, if anyone ever reads this at all, I wish there had been some
book or blogg for me back in the day to help me navigate my new path, there wasn't and althoug I have
come out stronger, with more life, love and laughter than I ever though possible. I am blessed with 3 amazing kids... I don't like to call them "step" because I have watched them grow, helped with homework, rides, advice style, fashion, I have been to just about every hockey, basketball, lacrose, or concert plus a shoulder to cry on, and couldn't love them anymore if they where my own.
So...before I get to off track... back to my priest telling me about "God's plan for me"..... a freind
said to me a few weeks after Charlie and I began dating, "maybe this was your plan" a man with
3 small children who from what I could tell at the time had the alot, maybe I was meant for them and
them for me?
book or blogg for me back in the day to help me navigate my new path, there wasn't and althoug I have
come out stronger, with more life, love and laughter than I ever though possible. I am blessed with 3 amazing kids... I don't like to call them "step" because I have watched them grow, helped with homework, rides, advice style, fashion, I have been to just about every hockey, basketball, lacrose, or concert plus a shoulder to cry on, and couldn't love them anymore if they where my own.
So...before I get to off track... back to my priest telling me about "God's plan for me"..... a freind
said to me a few weeks after Charlie and I began dating, "maybe this was your plan" a man with
3 small children who from what I could tell at the time had the alot, maybe I was meant for them and
them for me?
next....
At the next game, sadly he wasn't there at all and that is when I learned he and a few other guys where
Firefighters.... even more impressed as I love a man in uniform! I stayed wathced the game and asked
more questions.... the softball team for me over the years had been my own "Bull Durham" I was the
Susan Sarandon, character..looking for love in all the wrong men. With a new season came new hopes
of love and this guy was it, I just knew it!
One thing I did not lack was confidence even if I was and still am slightly over weight (which could be a
whole new blogg) If I wanted something, I got it. Not much stood in my way, this would be no different.
He had no idea. However, I had never dated anyone with kids, although I loved kids..how did I feel about not being #1.
Let me go back a little. I was 31 at the time and had been divorced for a little over 8yrs, I married my high school sweet heart..big mistake, huge!! At the age of 23 and after 11 miscarriage and 1 Anencephalic pregnacy at 7 months, I was told I could not carry to term or have a viable pregnancy this devasted me. It was also the end of my marriage. At 22 being single and unable to have children well, lets just say there are not alot of second dates. it was a difficult time and I made so many very poor choices, but they all helped me be the person I am today. So I guess I wouldn't change it.
My priest at the time told me "God had a plan for me" well I thought this was crazy!! what the hell plan
would He have for me, me I wanted 4 kids, I couldn't wait to be a Mom, what plan, when???
Firefighters.... even more impressed as I love a man in uniform! I stayed wathced the game and asked
more questions.... the softball team for me over the years had been my own "Bull Durham" I was the
Susan Sarandon, character..looking for love in all the wrong men. With a new season came new hopes
of love and this guy was it, I just knew it!
One thing I did not lack was confidence even if I was and still am slightly over weight (which could be a
whole new blogg) If I wanted something, I got it. Not much stood in my way, this would be no different.
He had no idea. However, I had never dated anyone with kids, although I loved kids..how did I feel about not being #1.
Let me go back a little. I was 31 at the time and had been divorced for a little over 8yrs, I married my high school sweet heart..big mistake, huge!! At the age of 23 and after 11 miscarriage and 1 Anencephalic pregnacy at 7 months, I was told I could not carry to term or have a viable pregnancy this devasted me. It was also the end of my marriage. At 22 being single and unable to have children well, lets just say there are not alot of second dates. it was a difficult time and I made so many very poor choices, but they all helped me be the person I am today. So I guess I wouldn't change it.
My priest at the time told me "God had a plan for me" well I thought this was crazy!! what the hell plan
would He have for me, me I wanted 4 kids, I couldn't wait to be a Mom, what plan, when???
day one~
So 14 plus years ago, a good friend asked me to come to softball game in Peabody. Being single and
always looking for fun and meeting new people. I drag one of my very best friends to come with me
cause I won't go alone. I arrive at the park and am greeted my several people I know and a few new
faces... out in the outfield, I see him.. his smile came across the field and his laugh was loud. I will call
him "George". Come to find out his name is Charlie.
At first introduction, I thought "how handsome is he". After the game we all stood around having a few drinks and getting to know everyone, not Charlie this time he had 3 little ones with him 2 boys and a girl, they
were very cute and he seemed like a great Dad.
I had to get "his story" kids didn't mean he was married did it? Damn, just my luck. I began to ask other
members of the team. I learned that he was a great guy, in a very unahppy marriage about to move out
and very dedicated to his kids. Being a product of a divorce, my Dad moving away and not seein him much, this impressed me and I couldn't wait until the next game to see him again!
always looking for fun and meeting new people. I drag one of my very best friends to come with me
cause I won't go alone. I arrive at the park and am greeted my several people I know and a few new
faces... out in the outfield, I see him.. his smile came across the field and his laugh was loud. I will call
him "George". Come to find out his name is Charlie.
At first introduction, I thought "how handsome is he". After the game we all stood around having a few drinks and getting to know everyone, not Charlie this time he had 3 little ones with him 2 boys and a girl, they
were very cute and he seemed like a great Dad.
I had to get "his story" kids didn't mean he was married did it? Damn, just my luck. I began to ask other
members of the team. I learned that he was a great guy, in a very unahppy marriage about to move out
and very dedicated to his kids. Being a product of a divorce, my Dad moving away and not seein him much, this impressed me and I couldn't wait until the next game to see him again!
how is all started~
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