So, move in was a success, I pretty much had everything unpacked and set up in 2 days, it looked like I had always lived there. I had gone food shopping and filled the fridge and cabinet with after school goodies for the kids. It was very natural to me, weird, but natural. The one problem I was having was all my friends from Lynn thought Peabody was the other side of the world! Things changed, no longer did I have the security of my little apartment, friends, my mom.I felt isolated, the kids were back in their "home" the street with all their friends, Charlie had projects around the house, his neighborhood friends and his parents. It was hard for me, I was having a hard time adjusting. I felt a little lost, especially driving, I knew Lynn like the back of my hand, Peabody past Lynn Street I was lost! My first time driving the kids to school, which was only a few blocks away from our home, I got lost, I could see the school I just couldn't get there, we laugh about it now, but that day I was freaking out. What had I done?
When the kids stayed at my apartment on weekends, we did everything together, video games, movies just lots of quality time together, it was just the 5 of us. Even when it was just Charlie and I, there was no outside world in my little apartment. Now everyone had lives, well everyone except me. I didn't have new friends, not that I would have a problem making friends, it was just weird for me. It didn't dawn on me before hand because I was so caught up in the excitement of falling in love with all 4 of them and a home and moving, I never stopped to think about the fact that I was moving away from everything familiar, into another woman's house, a life she had made a home friends, the place her children called home, and always would. Everyone in the neighborhood knew her, what were they thinking about me? It bothered me. So now on top of feeling alone I had added guilt to the mix, this was for sure my mother's doing. I am surprised my mother didn't think of that and point it out to me before I ever agreed to move. I found myself wondering how I never thought of it. Ok, so now what, I could let myself get consumed by these thoughts and run~that wasn't me. After all I had nothing to do with the events that lead to Charlie's divorce or him moving back to the home. I made myself stop thinking about all of it, this was my home now, it represented me, Charlie and the life we wanted to build together, any indication of any other life there was gone.
Dan and Beth were still at the Carroll school and Thomas went to school in Beverly and we all took turns getting him after school, he was also part of a car pool which those parents lived closer to us. So since it was easier they were at our home every afternoon after school. Right after the move I was on vacation, but even when I went back to work I was home by 2:30 everyday even if I was a little late, Charlie's parents lived right downstairs and their Mom worked at a Nursing facility at the end of our street. She would pick them up on her way home from work, so for now it worked for everyone. I must admit there where days when all I wanted was an afternoon nap,or to sit and watch General Hospital, as much as I loved the kids this was a big lifestyle change for me. What was good about it, was it gave me a chance to meet people in the neighborhood, at that time all the kids in the neighborhood where about the same age and the Moms would be outside while the kids played. Everyone was warm and welcoming and very happy to see Charlie back in the neighborhood, this was easy, I was fitting right in. Our neighbor 2 doors down was a hairdresser and my life long hairdresser was moving to the South Shore, it seemed the perfect time to make the change. From what I could tell she was the social director of the street. Her and I hit it off, along with our neighbor behind us. Our neighbor behind us over the years has become one of my best friends and someone I admire and love spending time with, plus she gives great advice! Thanks K~ Our other neighbor 2 doors down moved away a few years later, I miss her! The owners that purchased the house have quickly picked up the torch as the party planners. However I just found out our old neighbors are moving back and I am very excited!!!
After a few weeks, I was now a fixture and to all around me, it seemed like I had always been a part of the group. We did lots together, they had a great Halloween party and lots of pot luck dinners and just weekend get together. It was so much fun and lots of laughs. I was funny and engaging and everyone really liked me! I was now a part of a family and a community. I loved my life, the kids, my home. What had I been worried about? If I am honest with myself I admit at times I felt like I was having an "outer body experience", like I had left my body and I hovered above watching myself, cook, clean, take care of 3 little ones, that needed me. I felt like such a grown up. It was weird to me, at times now it still is....I often wonder when I became this grown up?
No comments:
Post a Comment